Hey guys, this is going to be a potentially long post, and it won’t be the regular satirical posts that I tend to write. I haven’t had the chance to tell everyone why I started a blog; most bloggers do this as their first blog but… I didn’t so I figured we should all get on the same page.

Now I am not a nerd who sits at home and plays video games and blogs about my life, and I am not a stay at home mother who needs to do something with her time… fact is I could never be a mother seeing as I am not a woman… clear up that issue right off the bat as well. To really understand why I started this blog I have to take you back to 2009 and do a quick overview of the year, there isn’t just one factor that plays into this blog of mine.

Starting in January 2009, I was in a… relationship of sorts. Probably not the best idea seeing as the semester of school was pretty brutal as well. But this was one of those relationships where everyone is telling you it’s a bad idea, and the writing is clearly on the wall but you disregard everything because you are apparently extremely naïve and you get a nice kick in the groin. As I have already stated, the brutal semester, coupled with a dysfunctional relationship, really took a toll.

This brings us to about May, where I get a little beagle puppy. Her name is Stella and she is pretty badass. No matter how badass she is though, she was extremely stressful and I hated my life for a couple of months. She’s a morning dog, I’m not really into mornings, it took some getting used to. In July I was fired from my job as a tour guide for Pelee Island Winery (this is by no means a plug for them, do not buy their wine, you don’t know what they put into it…). A lot of people think it was because I was caught drinking at work, but I was never caught drinking at work because I am stealth. They actually had no reason to fire me at all and we are currently in labour disputes and the government is involved and it’s really crazy but I don’t really want to get into it. Anyway I get a new job and all is good until we get to September. University starts up again, and this commences the worst semester yet. I am fearful that the “brutal” trend will continue, hopefully not though. Anyway most of my classes are okay, except for one in particular… Organizational Behaviour. This is one of those courses where you get a foreign prof with a thick accent that doesn’t know how to teach and tries to make the course sound a lot more important than what it is. In essence it was a regurgitation of two previous courses from the year prior. It’s a money grab is basically what I am saying. A requirement for this course is running a fundraiser for a local charity. This is easy enough, but I was put in the worst group known to man-kind. I had the first year student that should not even be in the class, I had the stoner that didn’t talk and didn’t show up to group meetings, I had the girl that “really wanted to do well” but needed me there to hold her hand every step along the way, and I had another kid… I don’t really know what to say about him. He wasn’t helpful, but I never had much conflict with him. He was just there. But this group wasn’t really a group, it was me running the entire fundraiser which turned out to be a full time job. That, with four other courses, and a part time job… was a lot for me to handle. Organizational Behaviour was really the last straw, and I snapped.

This wasn’t necessarily a bad “snap,” it was really just me losing interest in everything to do with school and I guess I distanced myself from some people as well. In this time I spent hours on facebook, I made “notes” for the one class that I hated trying to show the uselessness of the course and a lot of people thought it was humourous. So this turned into any time that there was something to be completed for Organizational Behaviour, or if there was a midterm to study for and whatnot, I would get extremely sidetracked and write something fun instead. This eventually became the first two posts of my blog. I had the most enjoyment starting this blog than anything else I did in all of 2009.

If you have followed my… two posts… you will have noticed that I have switched blogging sites a few times already. I started out on blogspot.com, and they gave me the option to have ads on my blog and gain money from every click that they got. Now if you know me, I am very much against Corporate America, I hate consumerism, and I also hate advertising. Putting ads on my blog was extremely hypocritical of me. My logic was this though: Most people are against prostitution, but if they become a pimp then it’s all good! If you make money doing it then where is the problem? I am a starving student and I could really use the extra cash. Unfortunately, I supposedly made too much money too fast and they suspended my account and would not pay me for the advertising I had done. So I took off the ads and I left BlogSpot (BlogSpot is owned by Google) and I have started using Bing! as my default search engine and hompage instead of Google. I moved my blog to Xanga.com, but only after did I realize that it contains a lot of ads from Google. I have finally ended up on WordPress, and they do have a few ads, but less than any other blogging site I have found. Cutting Google out of your internet life is proving to be extremely difficult, but I am trying.

So in a nutshell, 2009 was a terrible year and Organizational Behaviour was an absolute nightmare and that’s what got the blog rolling. I also have a lot of thoughts that I think should be recorded? Maybe?

There has been a huge shift in perspectives in my life now, though, and with the enjoyment of this blog I have contemplated whether a Bachelor of Commerce degree is what I should be pursuing or if I should be getting into English and Creative Writing. I am sure I will keep you guys updated on that in the days/weeks/months/howeverlongittakesmetodecide to come.

I guess I should say something about the title of my blog as well: Anarchist Party. Whenever I am asked how I vote in elections and such, or whenever there is a debate about politics I usually tell people that I vote anarchy. It is supposed to be funny although a lot of people do not get the joke. Anarchism is a form of political thought, or a philosophy, which views compulsory government as unnecessary, undesirable, and harmful, and anarchists favour the abolition of government. Now it would almost be an oxymoron for there to be a political party that is an anarchist party, because they would be hypocritical of themselves for running for government. So I guess it’s not as funny if you have to explain it… but its political humour? I have always found this to be humourous and that’s how the name of my blog came about.  

The goal is to have two blog posts per month, and I am going to even set the dates for myself right now. Let’s say the 2nd and the 22nd of every month from now on. Hopefully I will have another class this semester that I absolutely hate, because I think that really stimulates my creative writing and whatnot… not that I think anyone really cares. What I am trying to say is that most the posts will hopefully be similar to the first two, but I am sure there will be the odd post that will be me just chatting with you guys like this.

Well… keep on keeping on and continue checking out Anarchist Party.

Cheers

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2012 is coming! Three short years from today the world is supposed to end. What will kill us off? A shift of the poles? Massive floods? Earthquakes and tsunamis? What if the earth isn’t destroyed… but humankind instead? Say a plague similar to the Black Death of the 1340’s, also known as the Bubonic Plague. What if the world is to end in a Zombie apocalypse?!

I know, I know… it sounds crazy, but I was actually chastised by someone who I would call a close friend just the other day for not having a plan in place in case there were to be a Zombie apocalypse. (This was after she flipped out on me for disliking Christmas and wanting to save the Polar Bears…) I mean sure I understand if people are a little leery about 2012, dying is probably not a bubbly sensation! But a Zombie apocalypse… it sounds ridiculous. I then started to think about it, though, and I began to wonder if I was indeed prepared should there be a sort of Zombie invasion… I mean I don’t want to be the fool that laughed at the idea and gets killed in the first wave! So I started to do some research.

Let’s start with a few facts:

Fact: Zombies can only be killed by destroying their brain.

Fact: There are two types of Zombies – Solanum infected, and Voodoo.

Fact: The Solanum virus is not an airborne virus as it can only be transmitted through fluid exchange (kind of like an STD… but if you’re ever caught doing the deed with a Zombie you are not the sharpest crayon and deserve to be eaten.)

Fact: Zombies can’t swim, but may become water-logged and float to the surface. Zombies do not need oxygen as they are already dead though, so drowning is not an effective way to kill a Zombie. If forced into a watery situation… such as an ocean… a Zombie will likely walk on the bottom until it finds land again.

Fact: You should not eat a dead Zombie as Zombie flesh is extremely toxic.

Fact: There are no such things as animal Zombies. If your dog is bitten by a Zombie, or exchanges fluids with a Zombie (ie. Blood in an open wound… not what you were thinking…) your dog will not turn into a Zombie dog, it will die.

Fact: Zombies do not have the ability to procreate. Zombies also have no desire for sexual pleasure. A human cannot have a Zombie child. And enough with the idea of getting frisky with a Zombie… I am pretty sure that would be considered necrophilia seeing as Zombies are dead… and should you survive the act, necrophilia is never legal… and never okay… no matter how desperate you are…

“The human body, if cared for and trained properly, is the greatest weapon on earth. Americans are notorious for their bad diet, lack of exercise, and relentless fetish for labour-saving technology. As recognizable as the term “couch potato” is, a more accurate term would be “cattle”: fat, lazy, listless, and ready to be eaten. Weapon No. 1, the biological tool that is our body, can and must be transformed from prey to predator. Obey a strict diet and physical-fitness regimen. Concentrate on cardiovascular instead of strength-building exercise. Monitor any chronic health conditions you may have, no matter how small.” (The Zombie Survival Guide)

My current (relatively strict yet open to suggestion) diet consists of beer, and the odd bowl of soup. I am definitely not a “couch potato” seeing as I do not own a couch (phew!)… AND I walk to class every day. It is a relatively brisk walk considering I am usually late for class. So far I would say I am on track with this whole Zombie ordeal. So if I keep up the status quo I should be on the right track if Zombies do try to take over. It is advised that you learn one martial art… and I think that Tyler Durden, Mr. Kesuke Miyagi, Rocky Balboa, and Rambo have taught me much of what I need to know to fulfill that recommendation as well.

There are recommended weapons to use against Zombies: Axe, Hatchet, Crowbar, Japanese Katana, Machete, Morning Stars, Shaolin Spade, Incendiary Arrows, Heavy Machine Guns, and Assault Rifles to name a few. NEVER use power tools as primary weapons as fuel or battery power for these tools are finite. Chainsaws might look like fun, but it is not fun when you run out of fuel and have a horde of Zombies attacking you.

As for me, I think it would be extremely creepy if I kept any of these weapons in my room. First of all my roommates would not feel safe… and I am trying to find myself a girlfriend. Bringing a girl to my room when I have an axe hanging on my wall, and a series of crowbars, hammers, lead pipes, and maybe a machete or two stored away in my closet won’t help me. And if it does help me… I don’t think my mother would be proud of the girl that I am trying to woo.

I do, however, have a nice metal baseball bat that can be stored away, and it’s a normal enough object that no questions will be asked if seen lying around my room. This is not a generally recommended weapon to use as metal bats have been known to bend and warp after extended use against Zombies… but I am only trying to survive… I’m not trying to be a hero.

In terms of biological warfare, or poison, they have no effect on the undead. Fire can be used, but it will take a significant amount of time for fire to burn through a Zombies head… so use YOUR head and try something different. As for armour, you probably think that would be a good idea, but it’s not. A medieval suit of armour is not as durable as one might think, and chain mail is not only heavy, but loud as well. You could use a shark suit if you were hunting Zombies underwater… but we have already established I will be hiding and only killing Zombies that directly attack me. I will not be trying to be a hero, so armour? I will do without.

Where will I be if there is a Zombie Apocalypse? I can’t move about until I am sure there is a full out threat of Zombies to be worried about. So until I am sure there is a definite threat I will stay in my house and lock my doors. I have a rather large window in my room… so I will keep my metal bat handy just in case. When I am sure that there is a definite threat, I will have to move to another location that is more secure. I have thought of several locations that I could go to. First of all I would have to go to the DH (a local pub) for two reasons: liquid courage, and to save Val (if you’ve met Val you know why… she’s super sexy and knows how to pour a drink. Creepy if she’s reading this…). From there I would head to Forks, Washington to get Edward Cullen to help us out with the Zombie issue. Wow this post just got REALLY lame with the Twilight reference… let’s rewind… First of all I would have to go to the DH for two reasons: liquid courage, and to save Val (if you’ve met Val you know why… she’s super sexy and knows how to pour a drink. Creepy if she’s reading this…). From there I would head to a horse farm. Do I know how to ride a horse? No. But I will get in touch with my native roots pretty fast. You’re probably wondering why I chose to go to a horse farm. Well, horses run fast, and Zombies don’t. All I have to do is outrun the Zombies. I will then have many adventures with Shadowfax (yes I picked out a name already, named after Gandalf’s horse) and together we will go Inglorious Bastards style on the Zombies (I do realize I have made a full reversal from initially hiding and waiting the apocalypse out, but “going Inglorious Bastards style on the Zombies” just sounds epic) and after we have triumphed I might just write a children’s book about it: “Shadowfax the horse, and the Meanie Zombie Invasion.” Girls will love it because it’s about a horse, boys will love it because it’s about Zombies, and parents will love it because it’s educational. So am I ready for a Zombie Apocalypse…? Pshh am I ready?! Bring it on.

I’ve been getting a lot of flack lately from friends and family. People say I am heartless, or that I am a Scrooge… and I don’t think that I am either. I just dislike Christmas. So I thought that I would take the time out of my day to write a little note to tell everyone why. Let’s clear the air…

First of all, anyone who actually likes Christmas music is not only lying to anyone they come in contact with, but they are also lying to themselves. Christmas music sucks. It is incredibly annoying and gets stuck in your head and then you’re writing a final exam and instead of remembering the content of your course… you are singing Santa Baby under your breath. Not cool! And I don’t know about you guys, but I think that Santa Baby might be a little erotic for children to be listening to…

While on the topic of Christmas songs, have you listened to the lyrics! Santa Baby is about a gold digger trying to seduce a fat man in a red suit! I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus… now if Santa is considered not to be real in this song and its just a naïve child singing – sure its all good… but if Santa is considered real… the child’s mother is cheating on their father and the child is perfectly okay with it. They even joke saying “Oh what a laugh it would have been / If Daddy had only seen / Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night!” Kid, that would not have been funny at all. All I get from this song is that Santa is a home-wrecker. One more song, because three is a good number, You Better Watch Out. CREEPER ALERT! Hey kids, Santa knows when you’re sleeping and when you’re awake and when you’re bad or when you’re good, he knows if you ate your green vegetables and probably if you changed your underwear today. It’s creepy how much your friendly little Santa Claus knows about you. It also teaches kids that it’s bad to cry… sometimes its okay to cry! Just saying…

Anyway, enough with my rant on Christmas music. Not all the songs are bad, I think what gets me is that they start in November. A little too early for me. The music is definitely not why I dislike Christmas though. It is the commercialization of Christmas. I am not one to say “bring it back to being all about Jesus!” because that’s not the kind of guy that I am. Jesus is my homeboy, its all cool, but Christmas should be about getting together with family and friends, throwing all worries and problems aside and just letting the world stop around you for a few days. I hate the idea of buying and giving gifts. If there needs to be gifts for your Christmas… does it have to be so big? This endless rollercoaster of consumption has the world headed for disaster. We buy, things break, we throw out, we buy more, shit breaks again, we throw out, we still think that we should buy, it works well for a while, newer model comes out, we throw out, we buy… and it continues. Meanwhile our landfills are filling up; toxic waste is entering our environment, polluting cities, and killing wildlife. For that reason alone I say down with Christmas. Christmas isn’t about going to your grandmother’s house to relish in a warm loving atmosphere and eating the most delicious meal you have tasted all year anymore… its about Black Friday after Thanksgiving, and Boxing Day Sales. It seems to be more of a spending frenzy than enjoying what really matters.

This Christmas, I’m not buying presents (stfu it’s not because I’m poor!! lol it totally is but regardless)… I’m going to be giving out hugs… and guess what – they are environmentally friendly, they contribute nothing to the evil machine called Corporate America, and it’s better than any materialistic item that will end up in a landfill, wrapped in paper that came from cut down forests just for the purpose of concealing an item to be torn to shreds and thrown out (doubtfully recycled) and it’s also free. So the next person that calls me a Scrooge, or heartless, just remember it’s because of people like you that Polar Bears and Penguins are dying. Who are the heartless ones now?

And if I say “Merry Christmas” to you… please do not reply “I thought you hate Christmas?!” I never used the word “hate” in reference to Christmas… and if I hate anything… it is what Christmas has become, not the initial idea behind the holiday. So are we all cool now you animal hating over-consuming environment killer friends of mine?!