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So my facebook status has been set to “single” for quite a while now, and I am getting quite concerned. Not only that, I think my parents might be thinking I jumped ship and started batting in a different ballpark. Now I haven’t begun cottaging, and I wouldn’t consider myself a shirtlifter… although I do enjoy a nice piece of fudge from time to time… I mean I am still flying straight as an arrow. I would really enjoy some companionship, though, and I think it is time I get back on the prowl.

A friend, whom I would even call a best friend, has suggested to me that I should put together a list of qualities I want in a girl. I think this is a really good idea, because then I can narrow down potential mates. (P.S. I think that we should get rid of the terms “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” and replace them with “girl-mate” and “boy-mate”… just a suggestion to the world.) Initially, I was only going to give this list of qualities to my said best friend, but then I thought the best way to find a potential mate is to have more and more people looking out for me! So folks, here is the list. Post potential mates facebook/myspace/twitter page urls, phone numbers, descriptions of character, e-mails, addresses (with postal / zip codes), and anything else that could be useful for me in the comment section below. Actually that would be really creepy… I would be very impressed and flattered if anyone commented with all that information on this post… but really you probably shouldn’t for ethical reasons. Depending on your morals though… I guess you could post… I don’t know… I am going to pull a Pontius Pilot and wash my hands of it… do what you please. 

– They must appreciate Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin, The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Journey, Kansas, and other epic musical artists that have essentially created music as we know it.

– Follow up to previous requirement: They must not be into Lady Gaga, Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, or get nostalgic over Backstreet Boys or N’Sync, or even O-Town… no matter how catchy their tunes may be. Yes, I do know there is a party in the USA… and I am tired of hearing about it. 

– They must have seen and enjoyed Fight Club.

– They must appreciate the awesomeness of vampires.

– They must not be fans of Twilight because Twilight ruined vampires.

– They must be open to the idea of the possibility of a zombie apocalypse, or at least put up with my fantasy of one.

– She must have arms… to make sandwiches with.

– I don’t care too much about hair colour, but brown is preferred and blonde is least preferred, everyone needs loving though so I mean… not that big of a deal.

– Must never wear turtlenecks… I HATE turtlenecks.

– Must follow the rules of yoga pants… if you don’t know the rules of yoga pants stay tuned because I will have a post about them in the near future.

– She must drink beer, and Alexander Keith could probably be her God and I wouldn’t mind. She should not be into Coors or Budweiser or all the extremely mainstream heavily advertised beers. Hobgoblin, Smithwicks, Old Speckled Hen, Sapporo, and Moosehead are good for anyone’s beer repertoire.   

– Follow up to previous requirement: She should also be classy and drink wine… or martini’s because I like those too… or anything with vodka in it… if she drinks crown on the rocks I wouldn’t date her – I would probably just marry her.

– She must be really chill, and calm… definitely not hyperactive. If I wanted a child… I could have had one in high school.

– Now something VERY important: She has got to know how to cook. Nothing spectacular (the more spectacular the better of course) but at least basic stuff like pasta and definitely sandwiches. I really like ham sandwiches, and turkey (with real turkey not lunch meat), I like tomato sandwiches – but that’s probably obvious because I also like tomato soup, peanut butter and banana sandwiches, but never peanut butter on its own. I also like shwarma… please take note.

That is all I have for now, but I will be sure to update this list as needed, and to keep everyone updated on the progress of the prowl.

Until next time, keep on keeping on. 

AnarchistParty

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