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Dear Dr. Suess,

Where is Whoville? Is it on the speck that Horton found, or is it on a snowflake floating in a snow storm? I appreciate both Horton Hears a Who, and The Grinch, but I have a few concerns that I want to address.

Firstly, in Horton Hears a Who, Whoville is celebrating their centennial of nothing bad EVER happening in Whoville. But in The Grinch, something bad definitely did happen. The Grinch happened. Now, you could argue that the story of the Grinch was hopeful and heart-warming, seeing as the Grinch’s heart grew three times its size (or was it seven?), but what happened to the Grinch when he was a child was traumatizing and terrible on the part of the other Who’s. So did the Grinch come before Whoville on a speck – 100 years before – or after the centennial of nothing bad ever happening? Also, are Whoville years the same as human years? How long do specks usually last for? Snowflakes only last for the winter season, or shorter!

Secondly, from Horton Hears a Who, they have a motto “a person’s a person, no matter how small.” In The Grinch, though, you have the mayor of Whoville telling everyone to hate the Grinch because he is different, and not to listen to Cindy Lou Who because she is just a little girl. Should this be the same Whoville, would they not have the same values? Or does the Whoville motto not apply to colour of people. That isn’t spreading a good message. Alas the Grinch is accepted, though, so racism is conquered? This still doesn’t answer the question of why the mayor wasn’t listening to Cindy Lou Who, is she not an equal contributing member to the society of Whoville?

Here is the main issue: Horton Hears a Who-ville is on a speck which is on a flower. This speck does float along though, so you could argue that The Grinch Whoville is also the speck, but on a Snowflake, but nothing is said about the speck on the snowflake… just that Whoville is on a snowflake. Now, if Whoville is a snowflake, and the snowflake unexpectedly found tropical weather, what would happen? Would Whoville – essentially an entire mini-world – cease to exist? I am not quite sure where Horton lives, but he lives around a Kangaroo, so I am assuming Australia. Are there elephants in Australia? And Australia is mostly warm, but it does snow there in the mountains, but that is a far way for a speck to travel… unless carried by an elephant… hmm.

Maybe you were unhappy with Horton Hears a Who-ville (which you wrote first), and decided to rectify it with The Grinch’s Whoville? Horton Hears a Who-ville seems like a much nicer place though.

Dr. Suess, I am lost and I am confused, and I would really like some clarification.

Please advise,

AnarchistParty

“wtf are you even talking about?”

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Remember when you were a child? When you played outside and made up your own games? Not everyone from my generation did this. Most have been consumed by video games from a young age. But I have been sitting, thinking to myself today: “what happened to me?” Instead of making my own games and having fun outside, I am making my own video game maps and killing zombies online (which come on, its probably good practice for the inevitable… but still.) I sleep until noon, I work, I spend too much time on msn “chatting” or on Facebook, but when do I go outside? Today I decided I would go outside for a morning coffee at the bright hour of 1130am and it really hit me. I forget the games I played as a child. I remember a summer where I biked into town every day with my mother (we live in the county so its quite a bike ride before you get to town), and I remember swimming in my pool and racing to find loonies my father threw to the bottom. But what else did I do? What else did I play? Is this what growing up is about – losing your imagination, your creativity, your childhood memories, your innocence?

As I am writing this right now (on pen and paper), I am listening to the neighbourhood children pretend to be roosters… random, I know, but how fun! I am sure they are laughing and having an awesome time! If I were to do this though, what would people say and think about me? Isn’t that a question you never asked as a child…

I am sitting and looking at the clouds. So fluffy and white. They don’t seem to turn into animals and dance for me anymore. My skin is starting to burn a little bit, but as sadistic as it sounds, I like it – it makes me feel a little more alive. The wind blows gently in my face… everything is so simple outside. The chaos from my day to day life seems unnecessary and unimportant. I know I have to return to the chaos, but everything inside me is telling me not to – to stay. Is that the child inside of me, crying out for attention? I just want to see the clouds dance once more. Is this growing up? I guess we all just keep keeping on anyway…

AnarchistParty

You’d think that I would be blogging all the time now that my semester is over and summer has started, but since I have been out of school I have been on the job hunt so that I can pay for my next semester in September. That has been consuming a lot of my time. I have really been looking for a break so that I could sit on my ass and do jack… and when I am doing jack I really do not feel like writing. But there are a few things that I think the world needs to know, so I am here now.

I think I am going to go business style on this post and set out an agenda. First thing today, I need to get into a green rant. Things need to be said about the thought processes that people have concerning our environment. From the physical environment we are going to jump to the visual environment and talk a bit about yoga pants. And if I am talking about yoga pants I might as well say a few words on turtlenecks too. Lastly, the roommate that I wrote about (I think she needs a nickname for the purpose of this blog… from now on her name is ChiliPepperFan1988… nah that’s too long let’s call her Miss Scarlett – sidebar: Clue was probably the best board game evar) she says that I hate everything and whenever I talk to her I am always negative. This is slightly concerning to me so because of Miss Scarlett I am going to try and be a more positive person and I think I might try and write about something I like… like unicorns or something. Wow… I feel so organized right now.

Green. Probably my favorite colour. I prefer lime green over other greens though. Lime green is definitely superior. Anyway, there is a lot of talk about going green these days. Helping out the environment and relieving some of the damage that we cause to the environment simply by the way we live. A lot of the time people don’t take any action though, because they feel as though they won’t make a difference. People constantly say one person can’t make a difference. I say one person can. You can easily recycle an empty soda can, and you can easily throw it away too. But to throw it away just because your neighbour wouldn’t recycle it, or your best friend wouldn’t recycle it is wrong. I live in a town that has about 20,000 people, if everyone picked up one piece of garbage off the street every day, think about how much cleaner my town, or any town or city for that matter, would be! The whole green initiative these days has to be a team effort, and everyone should pitch in. You might not care about your own health, but the health of other people around you is affected by the way you live. And who cares about that one coffee cup, its only one cup right? Wrong. It is one more cup that can be recycled and reused. I talk a lot about recycling, because that’s a very easy thing to do. But there is so much more that we should work on to help save our earth. For example, in Windsor, ON Canada there is a site that is being threatened by big box retailers (specifically Wal-Mart). The City of Windsor wants to get Wal-Mart to build a retail outlet next to Ojibway Park. The park is home to a very rare and endangered ecosystem, and is one of the last remnants of the Tallgrass Prairie in Canada. This park has a greater biodiversity than Algonquin or the Bruce Peninsula, and it harbors more rare species than any other provincial park in Ontario. The building of this big box retail complex would put a significant strain on the ecosystem, create more pollution in the area, disrupt the water table, and pose a threat to the rare species found in Ojibway. There is a petition that can be signed, and I urge everyone to sign it. It can be found at http://saveojibway.info/ . They ask for your email address, but don’t worry they won’t spam you, it is only for verification. Signing this petition is taking a step in the right direction for a greener world. We are all in this together.

Phew… now that the serious business is taken care of… wait no there is one more very serious issue I need to talk about, yoga pants. YOGAAAAA! That’s a war cry of mine. It’s the (relatively) new fashion trend to wear yoga pants around. And hey, they are quite fantastic. But I’m just thinking that maybe there should be rules to yoga pants. I am all for the “YOGAAAA!” but I really don’t like the “yo….ga :[.” So I might be way out of line, but I think the world needs to start a “Yoga Pants Coalition.” You know, a sort of government that makes rules and regulations concerning the use of yoga pants. They should really be a controlled substance, because they can be deadly. I think what people need to realize is that yoga pants can be very revealing. If you have no ass… everyone will know. If you have too much ass… everyone will know. My rules are simple: ONE. if you are a guy, please do not wear yoga pants. I’ve had the awkward situation where I have been checking someone out from the rear only to find that they also have a beard. Not cool man… not cool at all. TWO. If you are 400 pounds overweight, yoga pants might not be for you. “Wow AnarchistParty! You sound like an asshole!” Well maybe I am! Maybe. I. Am. THREE. If you are wearing yoga pants, you either need to wear a thong, or nothing at all. I mean panty lines aren’t cool. Yoga pants are tight, so you need to think of these things! I of all people shouldn’t have to think of them for you. FOUR. Colour coordinate girls. Your pinks and reds rarely go together. Yoga pants are coming in all kinds of colours these days… but if you want to be classy, stick with the black. FIVE. Tights and yoga pants are different, you look like a retard when you think you are fooling people and just wearing tights. Give your head a shake! Regroup and try again.

For those of you who don’t know me too well, I have an odd obsession. I love vampires. I know, I know, I can hear all you trolls out there thinking “wow he’s gay” or “that’s gay” or “homo,” but I got into the vampire scene well before the Twilight saga ruined vampires. (I am totally team Edward though… just saying. Really, you team Jacob people out there think a dog is better than a vampire?! Think again children… think again.) Yes… Twilight did in fact ruin vampires. Without getting into a full out rant about Twilight… vampires do not sparkle, and I doubt they play baseball. Vampires should be badass, crazy muthfuckas that wreak havoc. They should be terrifying… I mean they suck blood!

Anyway, vampires actually have little to do with the message I am trying to convey here. All I have to say about vampires is that I think they instilled in me another fixation. Necks. When I am out in the world looking for a suitable mate for myself, instead of looking at a girl’s ass, or legs or breasts the first thing I look at is their neck (and follow up with the others previously stated – I’m still a guy). Anyway, this leads to the main message of the day – there is no such thing as a sexy turtleneck. There I’ve said it. I know all you turtleneck loving haters out there will never read my blog ever again. But really… when you are going to Church, by all means wear a turtleneck. When you are going to visit your grandmother, again turtleneck is the perfect attire. When you are going to teach kindergarten, you better damn well NOT be wearing a turtleneck because I’ll be visiting you around nap time! I kid, I kid haha. But the moment you wear a turtleneck out in public all hope is lost. It covers everything. If I was say… an arm kind of guy? I would still be at a loss! I don’t know, I think that a fixation on necks is a pretty odd thing, so I know a lot of guys probably don’t have this problem, but I thought that since the world reads my blog I should at least put it out there. Turtlenecks are Satan’s clothing and you will die if you wear them.

I guess I am at that point in this post where I have to talk about something I like. So here it goes. Unicorns are amazing creatures. It is very rare to spot them, but when you do see one, you will realize they are magical. Have I ever seen a unicorn? No, unfortunately I have not. How do I know they are real? Well you know how there are sea horses? There are also sea unicorns, only they are called Narwhal’s. What do I like so much about unicorns? Well first of all, they come in cooler colours than horses. Unicorns can be like pink, and blue, and probably ginger too (ginger unicorns don’t have souls though…). Unicorns can also fly! Their blood can make you live forever in Harry Potter, but you would never kill a unicorn, that’s ubber evil. Their tails can also be used in making magical wands, so best animal ever? Yeah. Probably.

IPU (Invisible Pink Unicorn) is also a goddess for a parody religion. So I mean I can’t find anything negative about unicorns at all. Are you happy Miss Scarlett? I hope so.

Until next time, keep on keeping on.

AnarchistParty

Rawr!