I Once Had A Friend

I once had a friend. He was a vampire.

“I’m a vampire” he said.

“Cool” I replied.

One day my vampire friend was having some trouble.

“I am having some trouble” he said.

“What’s wrong?” I replied.

He went on to explain how his credit card was cancelled.

“Apparently buying 150 litres of blood from Costco is considered “suspicious activity.”” The vampire said.

“They sell blood at Costco?” I was flabbergasted.

“I’m a vampire!” he cried.

“I know this…” I replied.

I thought to myself that if 150 litres of blood was bought on my credit card, I would want my credit card company to cancel my card as well. It seems pretty suspicious to me.

“What do you need 150 litres of blood for?” I asked.

“I am a vampire…” he said. That seems to be his response for everything.

It has only been three years since vampires came out into the open. Most people are scared of vampires. I mean they eat people.

“I don’t eat people.” That is what my friend said when we first met. I knew he was lying. There was a shoe lace coming out of the side of his mouth when he said this. I might have imagined that though.

“Cool.” I replied to him when we first met. I was apprehensive of him. I was apprehensive because I know that vampires eat people, and I saw the shoe lace. Or did I imagine the shoe lace?  When we got to know each other a little better at an all-human-forms cocktail party (essentially a party for humans and vampires) we made a deal for him never to eat me.

“Never eat me.” I told him.

“I don’t eat people…” he said. I knew he was lying, but I think that was his way of accepting the deal. I would say we are like pretty much good friends now. Not best friends. My dog is filling that position. I told my friend not to eat my dog either. Apparently vampires don’t eat dogs. But they say they don’t eat humans either. You can’t really trust a vampire. Except for my friend that’s a vampire. I would trust him. He is more of a friend than a vampire. Yeah. I guess what I am trying to say is to not trust a vampire if you don’t know him. Same reason you should never get into a strangers car when you are a child. You end up eaten either way. Well… no you end up dead either way. Unless the stranger lost his puppy, or has candy. I would always trust a stranger with candy. They are so nice! I digress.

Author of todays post.

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