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I once had a friend. He was a vampire.
“I’m a vampire” he said.
“Cool” I replied.
One day my vampire friend was having some trouble.
“I am having some trouble” he said.
“What’s wrong?” I replied.
He went on to explain how his credit card was cancelled.
“Apparently buying 150 litres of blood from Costco is considered “suspicious activity.”” The vampire said.
“They sell blood at Costco?” I was flabbergasted.
“I’m a vampire!” he cried.
“I know this…” I replied.
I thought to myself that if 150 litres of blood was bought on my credit card, I would want my credit card company to cancel my card as well. It seems pretty suspicious to me.
“What do you need 150 litres of blood for?” I asked.
“I am a vampire…” he said. That seems to be his response for everything.
It has only been three years since vampires came out into the open. Most people are scared of vampires. I mean they eat people.
“I don’t eat people.” That is what my friend said when we first met. I knew he was lying. There was a shoe lace coming out of the side of his mouth when he said this. I might have imagined that though.
“Cool.” I replied to him when we first met. I was apprehensive of him. I was apprehensive because I know that vampires eat people, and I saw the shoe lace. Or did I imagine the shoe lace? When we got to know each other a little better at an all-human-forms cocktail party (essentially a party for humans and vampires) we made a deal for him never to eat me.
“Never eat me.” I told him.
“I don’t eat people…” he said. I knew he was lying, but I think that was his way of accepting the deal. I would say we are like pretty much good friends now. Not best friends. My dog is filling that position. I told my friend not to eat my dog either. Apparently vampires don’t eat dogs. But they say they don’t eat humans either. You can’t really trust a vampire. Except for my friend that’s a vampire. I would trust him. He is more of a friend than a vampire. Yeah. I guess what I am trying to say is to not trust a vampire if you don’t know him. Same reason you should never get into a strangers car when you are a child. You end up eaten either way. Well… no you end up dead either way. Unless the stranger lost his puppy, or has candy. I would always trust a stranger with candy. They are so nice! I digress.